


Dear Fitz

by Ellsey



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-11
Updated: 2014-06-11
Packaged: 2018-02-04 07:22:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1770547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellsey/pseuds/Ellsey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At Skye's suggestion, Simmons works through the events of "End of the Beginning" in a letter to Fitz.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Fitz

Dear Fitz,

It seems a bit silly to be writing to someone who can't effectively respond at the moment, but Skye claims it will help me "feel better." No, what would make me feel better would be not having to write this at all. What would make me feel better would be getting to talk to you and scheme with you and discover with you. But I can't do that right now. So instead I will write to you. Something I will never let you read. Or maybe I will and we can both laugh at how ridiculous this whole thing is.

Skye is the only person I've told about what really happened down there. Of course I had to give a "full" report to Coulson and May. I told them all about how Ward found us and forced us onto the plane. I told them about how incredibly brave you were standing up to Garrett and using the EMP. They looked like proud parents upon hearing that. I told them how incredibly compassionate you were, trying to plead with Ward to make the better choice and help us. I told them how incredibly intelligent you were, thinking so quickly to strap us down and slinging your own broken arm (although I must admit, I have some questions about your version of what happened then). And I told them of your incredible heroic act of making sure I had enough oxygen to get us both out of there. 

To Skye however, I told the entire story. Every last excruciating detail. I had to tell someone. It was weighing too heavily on me. Normally I would just share it all with you, but you already know all about it. Plus you're a bit non-responsive at the moment. With your broken arm and actual consciousness through the entire thing, Skye also questions your version of what happened. I remember falling then...nothing. Waking up next to you. I was little worse for wear, while you appeared to have taken the brunt of the force. Knowing you, you probably did some quick calculations and figured out how to keep us both in optimal shape, but I can't help but think that you protected me. More than you'll admit to. 

I told Skye all about accepting our upcoming deaths and trying to keep calm. Truthfully, I was scared out of my mind. I had already looked death in the eye once and lived to tell the tale. Surely twice was too much to ask. Skye asked me what it was like for me when I jumped from that plane, something not even you have been bold enough to ask. I suppose you are dealing with your own demons in that instance though. I turned and looked at you before I jumped. You were screaming my name, and your face, the knowledge that you would be safe and alive is what gave the me power to jump. I didn't think I could do it, but I could do it for you. I thought back to all the amazing times we had shared and knew you could do even more with your life, and so I jumped to allow you to do just that. Of course while falling all I could think was, "Maybe this wasn't my best plan." Then there was Ward and well...you know the rest. 

Ward. There's something we desperately need to discuss. For my part I don't think I'd like to ever forgive him anything. I have a feeling you'd say otherwise though. If you'd just wake up you could tell me yourself and I wouldn't have to guess. Just one thing in a very long list of things that would me monumentally easier if you were conscious. I know it will happen. I know your brain and body will heal. Your amazing, remarkable brain. Just one of the many things I admire about you. Now you just need to wake up so I can tell you.

I even told Skye about why I ended up with the oxygen. What you said. Will you believe she almost cheered and said, "I KNEW IT"? She was actually smiling. I haven't seen that in a while. You should be very proud Fitz. You brought our friend a moment of happiness that she desperately needed without even trying. She tried to ask me all these questions about how I feel about you and other things that I can't even bring myself to think about. "You're more than that." I wasn't aware that phrase could hold so much meaning. I never even saw it coming either. I guess I had just never even let myself think like that, although I suppose I should have eventually. We are so entangled in every part of the other one's life that I'm not sure it's possible to become untangled. Neither of us have ever had a relationship outside this friendship since we met, partially because we were always too busy coming up with the next big idea to see anything outside of our work. But also, I don't think we can exist as a unit and let anyone else in. Not the way we are now. I guess I just   
thought this would be good enough to last forever. Now everything is all muddled and confusing. 

Is this what love is? It's not fair for you to do this to me. To push all this on me and not be here to hash it out with. Well, you're here, but you're not. And we would figure it out together because that's what we do. Solve problems. No matter what they are. I was so surprised by what you said, but I didn't have time to process it because there wasn't any time. All I had was this overwhelming feeling that I could not be without you. I hope you felt that. I grabbed you, and I didn't want to let you go. I tried to give you ever ounce of   
me, transfer every good feeling I had to you. And yes, while you may annoy and try me at times, all I ever feel around you is good things. Happy things. Affectionate things? In the end it doesn't matter. Why even try to define what we have? I'm not sure it's possible. All I know is that I need you in ways I don't need anyone else. You said you couldn't live without me and I told you I felt the same way. I meant it. My life cannot and will not be the same without you in it. Please, please come back to me Fitz.

You smiled at me before you pressed that button. Do you remember that? Once again you gave me the strength to do something I thought impossible. That one look told me that I could save both of us, regardless of what you thought. I can do hard things sometimes, and this was probably one of the hardest. I did it though. I dragged you up to the surface with every last ounce of strength I had, then I clung to you to keep your head above water. Thankfully Director Fury was there to save us. Oh how I wish you had seen that. He was like a beautiful yet rugged angel reaching out a hand to us. To save us. Your homemade beacon did that. Of course, he was looking for someone, but that beacon allowed him to be there when we needed. Once again you saved me. I'm starting to feel like I will never be out of your debt. 

I'm trying to stay positive. You always complain about my "excessive optimism," but I think we both know you actually like it. It's very hard though, probably harder than it's ever been. I keep thinking I'll have some genius idea and know how to fix you, but nothing comes. All my best ideas come in joint with you. I thought if I just stayed by your side more an idea would come that way, but our fearless leader seems to think it's unhealthy to never leave your side. I know you will get better though. I feel it in every bit of me. I would appreciate it if you could do it sooner rather than later. 

I guess Skye was correct as I do feel a little better now. Like a tiny weight has been lifted from my shoulders, at least for a little bit. Please come back to me. I need you. You are my very best friend. You are my lab partner, my fellow problem solver, and my partner in crime. You are my hero in more ways than you could possibly ever know. And yes, you are even more than that to me. More than any words could possibly describe. So please come back to me and let me show you.

Love,   
Jemma


End file.
